I feel like there are endless ways I could start this blog post. For example:

Does anyone spend most of their day doing all the little things they'd never remember?

The term "pregnancy brain" is bullshit. It insinuates that maybe you'll get your brain back after the baby is born and obviously that couldn't be any farther from the truth.

Or my personal favorite...

So this one time my husband was late to work after he spent an hour looking for his keys. Hell, I even helped and it just so happens I was the one who misplaced them. Any guesses on where we found them?

That last one was this morning.

But for real though, please tell me I'm not the only one. We moms go through our entire day automatically doing so many things without even realizing it. Just last week I was getting ready to go somewhere (I can't even remember where) and was in my bathroom working on hair and makeup. Saida was talking to me and periodically Corbin would come into the bathroom needing something. I looked down and at him on one of these quick visits and he had an applesauce squeezie in his hands. I remembered giving him a yogurt squeezie at some point, but not an applesauce squeezie. How did he get this thing open on his own? I looked in front of me and lo and behold, there is the damn cap to the applesauce squeezie on my bathroom counter. I opened that thing at some point and handed it over and had absolutely no memory of it. I was in the middle of something and just did it without thinking. No big deal really, but he was totally taking advantage of me and on his third squeezie in like 10 minutes. I wonder what else he could have gotten away with. "Yeah sure honey, let me open this bag of flour. Go ahead now, move along."

Or sometimes people will ask me where a small bruise came from that I don't remember getting. I walk into furniture, walls, doorways on the regular, but could never even begin to tell you which incident a bruise came from. Likely I don't even remember the incident ever happening, but I have some sort of vague recollection of saying ow at some point... I think. Sometimes there just isn't enough time in the day to really take note of these things and my head is already filled with too much other stuff.

So anyway, when Tyler came to me this morning and asked if I'd seen his keys, obviously I said no. I asked him twenty questions about what was happening the last time he had his keys and blamed the children for maybe moving them (honestly I still blame the children). We even looked in their playroom and I texted the neighbor to see if we had lost them there a couple nights before. In a last ditch effort I checked my purse. There they were. For about two seconds I tried to come up with places I could hide them that we hadn't looked yet, but I hadn't had coffee yet and Tyler was 5 feet away so I just handed them over.

Someone please tell me how they got in there. All I can figure is one of the kids handed them to me yesterday when we were on our way out the door and I just opened my purse and slid them in without thinking and I never really figured it out because we were taking my car with push button start and not Tyler's truck. I don't really know, but this is at least how I imagine it all going down in my head.

This is my life. I really don't know what to say. Sorry Tyler. For the record, I still think it's the kids' fault. Good thing they're cute.